


Paperweight

by blainedarling



Series: we could have been [4]
Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-29
Updated: 2013-05-29
Packaged: 2017-12-13 08:32:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/822226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blainedarling/pseuds/blainedarling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Based on the Joshua Radin song of the same name. A little bit of vague smut, but it's not too bad.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Paperweight

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the Joshua Radin song of the same name. A little bit of vague smut, but it's not too bad.

_Been up all night  
Staring at you  
Wondering what's on your mind_

Sebastian had been plagued as a light sleeper all of his life; something that used to drive him crazy as a child and well through his teenage years. A little too much light, the slightest of noises, and he’d be up like a shot, with getting back to sleep taking anywhere from minutes to hours. He’d adjusted to it over time, of course, his body accustomed to the minimum amount of sleep so he could get through busy days without too much bother. The introduction of coffee into his life at the age of fourteen had helped immensely too.

But ever since his thing with Blaine had begun, he found himself being grateful for his sleeping habits, for the first time in his life. Because as much as Blaine was beautiful when awake, he was simply breathtaking in his sleep. Body pliant and smooth to the touch, soft puffs of air leaving rounded, parted lips. Dark curls shining against the pale of the pillow, impossibly long eyelashes fluttering, hiding those eyes that Sebastian loved so much. Liked. The eyes that Sebastian _liked_ so much. 

They didn’t have a word for what they were. Sebastian refused to label it a relationship, would never even consider calling Blaine his boyfriend. But that didn’t change the fact that they lived together, had done for two years, and had been seeing each other for another year on top of that. Their friends knew not to push the topic anymore, the days of endless teasing, about how Sebastian probably wouldn’t label it until they were married, gone. They were Blaine and Sebastian, in their own way, and it worked for them, even if no one could quite understand it. Sebastian wasn’t even sure he understood it, but both he and Blaine appreciated that their friends had chosen to take the line of _if you’re happy, we’re happy._

And they were; happy, that is. Or, at least, Sebastian was. He sometimes wondered - more often than not during the moments in which he was awake and Blaine slept on - if Blaine was too. Sebastian could always tell when Blaine was upset, angry, frustrated, tired - except when it came to the status of them. In the past, they had argued about it a few times, when Sebastian had first moved in. But just like their friends, Blaine had finally dropped it, which Sebastian had taken as acceptance. 

Occasionally, however, he would see a flash of something like remorse in Blaine’s eyes. The slightest thing could cause it: they’d pass a couple on the street who were holding hands; they’d have dinner with a friend and their partner, the L-word getting dropped casually in their conversation; or even just with the sight of a flower shop. 

There was one thing that Sebastian knew really bothered Blaine, if there was nothing else he could quite figure out, and that was that he refused to let either of them meet the other’s parents. _Even friends meet their friends’ parents!_ Blaine had protested incredulously when Sebastian’s mother had come to visit and he’d been asked to go out for a little while. Blaine hated that not only did Sebastian’s parents think he lived alone, but they had no knowledge even of his existence. Meanwhile, Blaine’s parents, whom he was very close with, knew everything of their arrangement, gently encouraging their son to respect Sebastian’s wishes and saying they’d meet him at a restaurant down the street instead. 

Just as Sebastian had a list of words that were banned (‘relationship’ and ‘boyfriend’ being the top two) he also had events that could not happen, lest it should lead Blaine to believe they were something they would never be. This included meeting parents, as well as getting a joint bank account to make bill paying easier and paying for the other’s anything when they went out. Sebastian had made compromises, but those things weren’t up for discussion. 

_I've been this way  
With so many before  
But this feels like the first time_

It was a quiet evening in the apartment, a typical Thursday. Sebastian sat at one end of the couch, glasses falling from his nose, buried in a thick, hardcover book, so old that pages were falling out and the smell of musty pages even reached Blaine’s nose. Their feet with tangled together in the middle of the couch, the gentle tick of the kitchen clock the only noise between them besides the occasional rustle of pages. Blaine was working on some new music, a slow process as always, tapping the end of his pencil off the notebook in his lap, his gaze fixed on Sebastian.

Sometimes he wished he didn’t love him as much as he did. Blaine had been in love with people before, there had been various _boyfriends_ and _relationships_ before Sebastian had come along. What hurt the most was that he wasn’t sure he’d ever felt quite this strongly about anyone in his life; and, of course, it was for the one man who refused to even entertain the idea of a true forever. 

Mostly, Blaine just tried to be grateful for what he did have. He got to come home day after day to a smart, gorgeous, caring man with the body of a twenty year old model, not to mention the stamina of one. They would cook together, clean up together, spend the evening together, before falling into bed side by side, bodies meeting with heat and passion. 

But that didn’t stop Blaine from thinking about the things he missed out on. Actually being able to tell him how he felt about him without having to worry of how he might react. Going out on official dates or even just lacing their fingers together as they walked down a street. Many of his friends were getting married, some even having children, and he no longer knew if those were things that were even possible in his future. At least, not without saying goodbye to Sebastian, the man he loved and cherished above and beyond everything else in the world.

Blaine sighed inwardly, focusing his attention back on the page in front of him. Sometimes he reasoned that Sebastian must know about how he felt, if not through his actions, then through his music. Many of his songs spoke of longing, of love and of hidden feelings, and he knew for a fact that Sebastian listened to his music to calm him down when he was working on difficult case files. 

_Maybe this will be the one,_ Blaine wondered hopefully, staring at the scribbles of notes and words, still a jumble of thoughts on a page rather than a song in itself. Sebastian was always the first to hear his finished works and just maybe, with that one, he might finally understand. Maybe even enough to give them a chance to be something real.

_You want the sunrise  
To go back to bed  
I want to make you laugh  
Mess up my bed with me  
Kick off the covers  
I'm waiting_

As far as Sebastian was concerned, regardless of what may happen between them when they were at home, they were not any kind of couple out in public. Even if he wouldn’t admit it, perhaps that was why Sebastian was always in such a hurry for the daytime to be over, for him to be able to go back home and be Blaine’s again.

Some days there were no words to be said between them, just the pull of their bodies as they made their way to the bedroom, the warmth of their mouths meeting as they reached the bed. Sebastian would quite happily spend hours exploring Blaine’s body - and often, he really did. Mapping out the expanse of tanned skin with his tongue, fitting his hands into every smooth crevice and dip of him. Always returning to those full pink lips; kissing a practiced art between them by that time.

Blaine, on the other hand, liked the daytime, liked to be out in the light and the bustle of the city. For him, there was always something new to discover and explore out there. But Sebastian liked the night and the quiet of the darkness, when it could be just him and Blaine, and the mess and tangle of the sheets around them.

_Every word you say I think  
I should write down  
I don't want to forget  
Come daylight  
Happy to lay here  
Just happy to be here  
I'm happy to know you_

When they were alone, curled up in bed, the sweat still drying on their skin and heart rates still rushing erratically, Sebastian was at his most open. Sweet nothings whispered against Blaine’s skin, interlaced with kisses and touches. Blaine wished more than anything that he could remember each and every word he said, maybe even write them down. Just for something to remind him of his Sebastian, when they were out in the real world and he could as well have been just an acquaintance. 

“You’re so beautiful, Blaine,” Sebastian murmured on Monday.  
“I’m so lucky to have you,” whispered on Tuesday.  
“Let’s stay here forever,” laughed on Wednesday.  
“You make me feel complete,” breathed on Thursday.  
“You are my home,” mumbled, already half asleep, on Friday.

And each time, Blaine would think just three words, three words he could never quite bring himself to say for fear that it would break the fragile balance of them. _I love you._ Maybe if their entire lives could just be laid in that bed, the world outside just a distant memory; maybe then they could be truly happy. 

_Play me a song  
Your newest one  
Please leave your taste on my tongue  
Paperweight on my back  
Cover me like a blanket_

Sebastian sat at the foot of the bed, Blaine at the other end, his fingers moving gracefully over the guitar as he finished the final lines of his newest song; the one he’d been fiddling away with for nearly two months by then. It seemed as though every other song had been building up to that point, a gradual crescendo of emotion leading to the closest Blaine would probably get to truly admitting his feelings. 

There was nothing Sebastian could say when Blaine finished; only one response would manage not to upset him, and it wasn’t one he could even possibly consider giving. Regardless of the fact that perhaps it was true. At least, a little. 

Instead, he responded in the way he knew best, gently moving Blaine’s guitar from his hands before pushing him down against the bed, pouring everything into the slick glide of their tongues.

Sebastian rarely bottomed, but after the vulnerability Blaine had given to him, he felt it would be right. He protested quietly when Blaine tried to pull out, still draped across his back, their bodies connected tip to toe. But Blaine just shushed him gently, slipping out before resting down against him once more, a pleasant and reassuring weight against his back. That night, he slept soundly, waking up even later than Blaine did. 

_And no need to worry  
That's wasting time  
And no need to wonder  
What's been on my mind  
It's you  
It's you_

The light of the morning woke Blaine first, his back cold in contrast to the warmth of Sebastian below him. He was surprised to see he was still asleep; usually he was up hours before Blaine was, already up and getting on with things by the time he made it as far as the kitchen. 

Sebastian knew, that much Blaine was certain of after the previous night. Maybe his response hadn’t been quite all that he’d been hoping for, but it still felt like something had changed. It might take some time, but Blaine could hope that one day, the reassurance of his feelings would be enough to get Sebastian to let him in, wholly and completely. 

_And I give up  
I let you win  
You win 'cause I'm not counting  
You made it back  
To sleep again  
Wonder what you're dreaming_

It wasn’t the first time Sebastian had tried to leave him, and it wouldn’t be the last, but it was the only time he’d got as far as the door.   
“Please stop doing this,” Blaine sighed, rubbing over his face in exhaustion.  
“You’d be better off without me,” Sebastian murmured, hand twisting aimlessly on the doorknob. “This isn’t what you want.”  
“I want you,” Blaine replied with a sad smile. “In whatever way I can get you.”

One look at Blaine’s expression and Sebastian was dropping his bag, throwing the door closed before he walked back over to him, falling into his arms.   
“I’m sorry,” Sebastian whispered, burying his face into the crook of Blaine’s neck. He was home, and the truth was, he wouldn’t ever be able to leave, even if he wanted to.  
Blaine held him close, one hand tight on the back of his neck. “I know.”

Sebastian continued to enforce his rules and the pair continued in their strange state of cohabitation. But Sebastian would never make it out of that door. There was an unbreakable line between Blaine and Sebastian, one that would outlive even the men themselves, a connection that could not be severed, broken nor damaged. Because labels or the lack thereof couldn’t change the fact that Blaine was Sebastian’s and Sebastian was Blaine’s. Forever.


End file.
